The Best Apology is Changed Behavior

I’m sorry… A common statement we hear today.

Do people usually mean it? Sure.

If meaning it means, they feel uncomfortable in the situation.

It is hardly ever used in the form of a genuine apology.

To exhibit remorse and take responsibility for our actions.

Purely stating, I’m sorry is never enough.

Words alone do not make the apology stick.

What is lacking behind the reflexive words of an apology are actions.

Cause at the end of the day, what is an apology signaling?

It is supposed to signal that you are remorseful of your actions,

That you are decentering yourself to see the harm inflicted on another,

And that you are taking meaningful, intentional steps to be better in the future.

That is what is meant in the saying, “the best apology is changed behavior.”

It is the changed behavior that gives the apology meaning.

It is the changed behavior that rebuilds and reestablishes trust.

It is the changed behavior that showcases empathy and humanity.

Otherwise, what is the point? A selfish desire to be liked…

Empty, meaningless, and insincere.

I would rather someone not apologize if they do not mean it.

Don’t tell me that you’re sorry if you are going to repeat the behavior later.

If you are not going to reflect on the reason you felt the need to apologize.

It destroys trust, creates resentment, and frankly, I would rather eliminate your presence from my life.

You have placed your ego at the center of your apology,

And for that, I would rather not deal with future emotional manipulation.

We live in a society that lacks empathy, remorse, and self-accountability.

Our leaders do not hold themselves accountable, and they do not apologize for their actions.

People see that, and they learn from that.

They think of it as a strength and that it’s the sign of a good leader.

It’s not.

So when people apologize, I’m not surprised to learn that they never meant it.

And for as much as I want to be mad at this, I almost can’t because they were never taught otherwise.

But the status quo in this scenario is the insanity of doing the same thing over again to expect a different result.

It’s a cycle of not being respected to then justify not respecting anyone else.

So let’s break the cycle of trauma and choose not to be like the leaders we see on TV.

We can set the example of stronger, more empathetic, and more accountable leadership together.

And together, our own changed behavior might just be the best apology we can give to the future of humanity.