I’m Tired Pt. 2 (1-Year Post-Layoff Reflection)

The last year of my life has taught me what I am unwilling to take part in.

Radicalized by systems aimed to use up all my resources and toss me aside like trash.

And yet you pretend that certain levels of dehumanization are ok to deal with.

That I need to be ok with death, destruction, and poverty.

Capitalism is not for me.

Religion is not for me.

I am enraged on a daily basis.

The complacency is beyond what I can handle.

You told me I had to fight from within the system.

You told me that capitalism and systems of inequity have to be fought from within.

So I played that game, but you didn’t like the way I played it.

You said I was too much, too abrasive, too radical, too direct, too caring, too empathetic, too honest, too me.

I played your political game that tried to micromanage my humanity, contort my values, bastardize my messaging, and forced me to mask and code switch to appease who?

This game gaslit my intelligence, raided my bank account, told me I was the problem, sent me to the hospital, and continued to pillage my sanity and that of those around me.

You told me opting out is an act of cowardice, and that I have to continue opting into the fight, but will there be anything left of me?

What do you tell people who do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result?

It’s a humiliation ritual, the result of depravity; it has become my insanity.

I have fought the good fight and seem to get constantly burned for it.

So do not be surprised that I have contemplated opting out.

I tell people over and over again to remain hopeful, yet my sliver of hope keeps dwindling smaller and smaller.

I AM TIRED.

I have put too much of myself out there to be used by others.

My empathy, my compassion, is running thin.

This world, I fear, is committed to intentionally misunderstanding me, and I am done opting into this chronic system of assault and battery.